The Marauders Take a Love Life Survey
by RavenclawDoctorSilveo
Summary: Exactly as the title says. The Marauders decide to take a survey on their love life from a Muggle magazine for girls that Sirius has stolen from Mary MacDonald. A bit of Remus/Sirius fluff and stuff. WARNING: slightly slashy. T because I'm afraid I'll be kicked off the site otherwise. And because I can.


A/N: This seems to be a common thing to write, so I decided to try my hand at it. Let me know how I did. These are the fonts:

_Remus Lupin_

_Peter Pettigrew_

**Sirius Black**

James Potter

and an occasional appearance by _**Lily Evans. **_

Enjoy!

~RavenclawDoctorSilveo x

* * *

**Disclaimer:** This is the result of my procrastination, and I wrote much of it while tired. Sorry for any grammar errors and/or spelling mistakes. I take full credit for those. Characters belong to JKR; I do not own them. If I did, I'd have enough money to buy a sonic screwdriver.

* * *

"James, come here! Let's do this quiz!"

"Sirius, why in Merlin's name are you doing a love life survey? Wait...it doesn't even tell you how well you did at the end. No 'you need to work on your relationship' or 'you're happily in love' or anything."

"Prongs, the amount of knowledge you have about love life quizzes is astonishing."

"The fact that Sirius Black is reading a Muggle magazine for girls that he stole from Mary MacDonald is astonishing. Oh wait...no, it's not."

"Let's do this, as Marauders!"

"Don't we normally do everything as Marauders?"

"Hi, Moony. Yeah, Sirius, he's got a point. But we'll take the quiz. Wormtail! OI! WORMTAIL!"

* * *

How old were you when you had your first relationship?

**Fourteen? Fifteen, maybe? Depends what you mean by 'relationship,' though...**

_Sirius, people don't normally define 'relationship' as 'quick shag in a broom closet before our next class.'_

**Fine, then. Sixteen. Last year. remember that, Moony? Huh?**

_Vividly._

**...Good.**

Eww, I remember that, too. But why is Padfoot hogging all the questions? Why can't we get a chance?

_...Prongs, this is the first question._

Oh. Right. So anyway, I've never been in a relationship...

**James! How have you not shagged anyone yet?**

_He's pining after Lily, remember?_

Yeah, Sirius. Anyway, it's your turn to answer the question, Wormtail.

_I was fifteen._

**Which chick was it? ...or was it not a chick at all? *looks suggestively at Moony***

_Sirius, you pervert, it was Carlotta Dayne._

That girl with all the pimples?

_Just because she's got pimples doesn't mean she isn't nice._

_Well said, Peter. As for me, I was first in a relationship - a true one - when I was seventeen._

**You liar, you were sixteen!**

_Sirius, it was May 10th. Mt birthday, remember? So I was seventeen._

* * *

Are you taken/single?

**Taken. By a certain sexy werewolf.**

Taken. By the love of my life.

_Good lord, James! She finally said yes?_

_James, I hate to break it to you, but this survey thing is not the best way to break the news to your best friends._

**Your only friends.**

Hey! I'm friends with Lily!

_No, you're just in love with Lily. I'm the only one of us who's actually friends with her._

_Anyway, it's my turn. I am single right now._

_You're the only one, Peter; sorry about that. I'm taken._

**By who, Moons?**

_By whom._

**What kind of a name is Whom?**

Padfoot...that's how you say it. It's not 'by who,' it's 'by whom.' Even I'm not that thick.

**Oh, really? Well, you're Mister Thick Thick Thickity-thick from Thicktown, Thickania.**

Not true, Pads.

**So, Moony, whom are you taken by?**

_By whom are you taken?_

**Whatever.**

_I'm not telling you until you say it correctly._

**Fine. By whom are you taken, Moonykins?**

_Someone who will preferably never call me 'Moonykins' again._

**WHAT?!**

_It's YOU, you dolt! Goodness, and you call James thick?_

* * *

How old were you when you had your first kiss?

Eight-billion, twenty-two thousand, and ninety-three.

**Er...Prongs, have you finally lost your marbles?**

_You know, I've always wondered why they say that. I mean, I don't have any marbles to begin with._

Then you're a nutter.

_James, can you just answer the question?_

I did! See?

_...Correctly._

Fine. I was twelve.

**Twelve? That was before me! Not fair! Who was it?**

Um...I'd rather not share that information at the moment.

_C'mon, Prongs. Spill._

**You know what I'd like to spill, Moony?**

...Ew.

_Sirius, save that for later._

_Get a room, you two._

**Oh, we will. Don't worry.**

_I shouldn't have said that._

Nope.

**My first kiss was when I was thirteen. It was with that girl, she's in sixth year now, you know, the one with the freckles...she has blonde or red hair or something.**

_You don't know with whom your first kiss was? That's kind of sad._

_Mine was with Carlotta Dayne. In fifth year._

I don't know who this Carlotta person is.

_Mine was with Marlene McKinnon._

**What?!**

_It was an accident! I didn't kiss HER, SHE kissed ME. She thought I was someone else._

_Who did she think you were?_

_She thought I was Daniel Grey, you know, that bloke who graduated last year and works for the _Prophet_ now. I heard he's with some girl there; Rita Sneaker or something._

* * *

What color is your underwear?

**Blue!**

Padfoot, the fact that you readily volunteer that information is disturbing.

_Mister Moony agrees with Mister Prongs._

**But you know what color they are, Moony!**

_...So?_

**Well, true, but you don't see much of them, do you, Remmy? You mostly see...other things.**

Sirius, that's gross. Stop, please.

_Yes, Pads, James has got a point. You can flirt with me later. Right now let's answer these things._

So, onto the next question, then?

**Prongs, you sneak, you didn't answer. Neither did you, Wormtail. Or my precious Remmykins.**

_Sirius, if you call me Remmykins one more time, I will not let you snuggle with me when you have nightmare._

**Moony, why did you tell? I told you those were a secret!**

_But we already know about them._

Yeah, Pads, we know because you tried to snuggle with us and we kicked you out!

_Fine, if it makes you happy: white._

White.

_White._

_Padfoot, you are the only one with blue underwear._

**Hey, I'm unique!**

I didn't know you even knew such fancy words!

**Just 'cause you're so thick...**

Was that your attempt at an intelligent threat?

**One of these days, James, I'm going to kill you.**

* * *

Do you like anyone right now?

**Moony.**

_Padfoot._

I like-

**Prongs, don't even bother answering that question; everybody knows who you like.**

I like-

_I like Carlotta Dayne._

_I thought you broke up with her?_

_Yeah, but I still like her._

I like-

**And I don't just LIKE Moony, I LO-**

I LIKE LILY EVANS!

**Jeez, Prongs, you don't have to shout it!**

*groan*

* * *

Ever had your heart broken?

**Yeah.**

Every day, when I ask Evans out, she scorns me utterly, and my heart shatters into a million pieces...

**Prongs, you're acting like a girl.**

_No, he's acting lovesick._

_He is lovesick._

I am not lovesick! I'm just...in love. But guess what? She said yes! EVANS SAID YES!

_**Potter, you don't have to announce to the entire Common Room that we're going to Hogsmeade next Sunday. If you do that again, I will go to the Headmaster and pester him until he revokes your Head Boy badge.**_

...Sorry, Evans.

**You should call her Lily. Girls like hearing their name spoken by their crush. It drives them wild. *Winks at Moony***

_Are you comparing yourself to a girl?_

_Never thought I'd see that happen._

Sirius, keep the flirting down to a minimum, and please do so outside of earshot of everyone.

**I thought we were keeping the flirting down to a minimum.**

Really, you two flirt THAT MUCH?

_James, you don't want to know. In answer to the question: yes. I have._

_Yeah, I have, too._

* * *

Miss anyone right now?

**I miss Moony...in my bed!**

Sirius, what did I just tell you?

_I miss my chocolate. James Potter is going to get murdered in his sleep tonight for giving some of my chocolate away to Lily._

Sorry.

_Not sorry enough, evidently, Prongs. I miss Carlotta Dayne._

**Again? What is it with this bird?**

And I miss Lily Evans.

**What do you mean you miss Evans? She's on the other side of the Common Room!**

Yeah, but she's not snuggled up to me. I miss that.

**James, she's never been snuggled up to you.**

Wouldn't you like to know?

_OI, LILY! Have you ever snuggled up to James?_

**_Remus, how long have you known me? I would NEVER snuggle up to Potter. For heavens' sake, he just asked me out five hours ago!_**

Yeah, but I hoped we'd be snuggling by now.

**By 'snuggling' do you mean 'shagging?' Because if you ask a girl out, you need to shag her right away. Don't wait is my motto.**

_Sirius Black has a motto?_

**Sure, what's wrong with that?**

I will not even begin to say how wrong your motto is.

_Well, strictly speaking, his motto isn't bad; it's the context. Besides, you don't need to get girls anymore, Sirius. Right?_

**Aw, of course not, Moony. I've got you, and that's good enough for me.**

Pads, did you get that line out a dating book?

**Yeah...why?**

...

* * *

Who was the last person you saw?

_What kind of a question is this? This doesn't have anything to do with love!_

_Just answer the question. The last person I saw was James, about two seconds ago._

_The last person I saw was Sirius._

**The last person I saw was Remus...his eyes...are like...like...um, eyes.**

_...eyes?_

_Yeah, good going, Padfoot, his eyes are like eyes._

Even I'm better than that.

**Potter, we're talking about the person who took seven years to get a girl to go out with him. You're just no good.**

_**Actually, if I may interrupt...**_

**No.**

_**James got a whole lot better. It's not that he was no good wooing me in the first place, it's that he changed.**_

**Changed how? 'Cause he's gotten a whole lot more good-looking since first year...no offense, Prongs.**

_***Gives Sirius a Death Glare***_

The last person I saw was Evans.

**Me too. Her glare is the last thing I saw, and it burns my brains out.**

_James, sometimes, I really wonder about his sanity._

* * *

What was the last thing you said to someone?

_The last thing I said was 'James, sometimes I really worry about his sanity.'_

**Hey!**

The last thing I said was...um...'the last person I saw was Evans.'

**The last thing I said was 'I love you, Moony.'**

_No, it wasn't; it was 'hey.'_

**What?! I'm doing a love life quiz and the last thing I said was something stupid like 'hey'?!**

_Yup. There: the last thing I said was 'yup.' This is a really stupid question._

* * *

Who is top in your top friends?

Evans.

**I hate you, James.**

_But Evans isn't your friend. She's your..._

**Shag partner? Kisser?**

She's the love of my life.

**_Aww, James, you're so sweet. Just kidding, all this soppy nonsense is making it really hard to concentrate. If you must do a stupid love life quiz, please do it in the privacy of your own dorm._**

**Really? It's making it hard to concentrate? You must be listening in. You really do like James. Huh.**

_**Black, need I remind you that I am Head Girl and therefore have the right to hex your balls off?**_

**We're not moving.**

Just continue with the quiz thing. 

**James, d'you think Evans will have you if you have no balls? No? Because I'd really hate to ruin your chances with her, but if you don't say I'm your best friend, you're going to be really sorry.**

You're a madman.

_Is this a bad time to answer the question? Yes? Okay, my top friend is Remus. Because he pays attention to me most._

_Did you hear that, James, Sirius? My top friend is Sirius._

**Mine's James.**

And mine is...uh...Alright, fine! It's Sirius! Happy now?

**I will be once Moony kisses me!**

_Er..._

_Not in front of us!_

* * *

Who do you trust the most in your life?

**Mum.**

WHAT?!

**I trust her to always hate me.**

_That's really sad._

_I trust Lily the most._

**What? Not me?**

_Sirius, remember the time you told Snape about the Whomping Willow..._

**Moony, we swore we'd never talk about that again!**

_That's why I don't trust you. I don't trust Peter, either; he'll give away a secret if you don't explicitly tell him DON'T DO IT. And James...you're kind of reckless, and you would do anything for Lily. But Lily never told my secrets to anyone - and she had me mostly figured out by sixth year. Your turn, James._

I trust Moony the most.

**What?!**

_I trust James the most._

_OK then. Next question._

* * *

Who do you love most?

**Moony.**

_Sirius._

Lily.

_Carlotta Dayne._

Peter, nobody but you knows who this girl is_._

* * *

Ever been in love?

**Remus, I love you.**

_Aww, I love you, too._

_Yeah; I'm in love with Carlotta._

I'm in love with Lily Evans.

* * *

Who has hurt you the most?

_Greyback._

**Regulus.**

Lily.

_Carlotta Dayne, because she won't go out with me._

Pete, I'm starting to think this Carlotta person is someone you made up.

* * *

Has a tragedy ever happened in your life?

_Hell, yeah._

**Yup.**

Yeah.

_Yes._

_Well...that about sums that up. Since the question didn't ask which one it was, I guess we won't be answering that._

* * *

Are you happy?

Yes, I am. Guess why? LILY EVANS AGREED TO GO OUT WITH ME!

_Okay, okay, James, you don't need to announce it to the whole common room._

What? I'm happy! What are you happy about then, Moony?

_I'm happy I have four great friends._

**Four?**

_He's friends with Evans, in case you haven't noticed._

**Oh...oh, right. Well, I am happy because...because...I'm snogging Remus!**

_No, Sirius, you aren't._

**Oh yeah? Hm...we need to fix that...**

_I'm happy that at least one of us actually pays attention in class, because otherwise, we would all fail. Thanks for taking the notes for us, Moony._

* * *

How many good friends do you have?

Three.

_Three._

**Three.**

_Three, I guess. Lily's my friend, but maybe not a good friend. I mean, we're not 'BFFs' or any of that nonsense girls dream up._

* * *

Have you ever cheated on a partner?

**Yup.**

Nope.

_No._

_No, I haven't. Sirius, who did you cheat on?_

Are you joking, Remus? Remember when he had all those girls in fifth year? He was with a different one every day. Oh, the fights that broke out...that was fun to watch, remember?

_Not really..._

* * *

Ever been cheated on?

**Yeah. It was Mary Beth Everdale; she cheated on me with Tom Burbage.**

_You were with Everdale? She's fourteen now; Burbage is, what, nineteen? That's just sick. And as for me, I've never been cheated on...have I, Sirius?_

**Nope. Never. I love you, Moony.**

_Carlotta Dayne cheated on me with some bloke from Ravenclaw._

I still think she's imaginary. And we all know that Evans hasn't cheated.

**Because you haven't been together.**

We were together in my head!

**Prongs, do you realize how absolutely stupid that sounds?**

* * *

Ever been told someone loved you?

**I love you, Remus.**

_Yes, I have. I love you, Sirius._

**Make that a 'yes' for me, too.**

Yeah...by my mum...

**Prongs, that's stupid.**

No, it's not. Just because your mum never said it to you-

**James Potter, I hate you. Never say that again.**

Sorry.

**Good. You should be.**

_Um...my cousin said she loved me last Christmas...she's five, and I gave her a chocolate frog._

**That's even more pathetic than James' answer.**

* * *

Ever told someone you loved them and meant it?

_I love you, Sirius. There. Yes, I have._

**What, you didn't mean it all the other times?**

_Oh, I did, Padfoot. I did._

**Good. I love you, too.**

...Leave the licking for the bedroom, please.

_Yes, I told Carlotta Dayne I loved her, and I meant it, but she said no again._

I never knew that you had Love Conquests just like me. The only difference is, I was after a real girl.

* * *

Not meant it?

_*looks at Sirius*_

*looks at Sirius*

_*looks at Sirius*_

**What?**

* * *

Ever had your heart broken?

Yes. Every day. But...it's changed. Because...drumroll, please...EVANS SAID YES! Hahaha! I am king of the universe!

_Prongs, there are times when I seriously doubt your sanity._

**I've never had...well...no, yes, I have.**

_I have, too._

_Me, too. By Carlotta Dayne._

* * *

Are you happy with where you are relationship-wise now?

_No._

YES!

_I'm pretty happy. Relationship-wise, of course. I mean, there's a war going on; how happy can one be?_

**I'm the happiest I could ever be.**

* * *

What is your idea of true love?

**Remus.**

_You do realize that that's not really an answer to the question._

**Remus, stop being a smart ass and kiss me.**

_Fine. _

I am ignoring you two. My idea of true love is...me and Evans.

_Carlotta Dayne._

* * *

Do you believe in love at first sight?

**Heck, no.**

_Not really._

_Yes!_

It was love at first sight with me and Evans...

**Well, it was for you, anyway.**

_Prongs, you know that if you really want her, you're going to have to start using her first name, right?_

* * *

Do you believe that it is best to have a friendship first then love?

_Yep, that works pretty well._

**Mister Padfoot agrees with Mister Moony.**

Yeah...I guess...

_Not really._

* * *

Should men and women be expecting the other to buy the other gifts?

**Moony, buy me a gift.**

_Only if you buy me chocolate._

**Oh, I'll buy you chocolate...and then I'll eat the chocolate...**

_That's evil._

**...with you.**

_Better._

_Ew._

Ew. Not necessarily.

_Definitely. I love gifts._

* * *

Have you found the love of your life, and are you together with them?

_Yup._

**Yeah.**

Well, I've found her, but we're not together.

_Yes...but Carlotta Dayne doesn't notice me._

**_Who's Carlotta Dayne?_**

See? Even Evans doesn't know who she is!


End file.
